You make me paranoid
But I love being thought about
You made the sun go down
But I sparkle in the night
You should run with me
Cause running makes everything alright
The dog days of summer – a phrase which, for me, conjures images of a dog lazing in the shade, its tongue wagging, exhausted from the heat and doing nothing but exist purely in the moment. It lays there, staring into space, no concerns because it hasn’t the energy for them.
Of course, the term has nothing to do with canines, but I’m not letting that stop my imagination.
We’re at the sultry tail end of the season now when the evenings are almost as warm as the days, and every hot day is seized upon as though it is the last. The end of daylight-saving approaches like Langoliers on the horizon coming to eat up your time in the sun – snorkeling, swimming, surfing, drinking on rooftops, or just lazing around reading. I’ve been doing all of the above.
I read two books recently – Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and The Scout Mindset by Julia Galef. They made a curious pairing, both dealing with the battle between the emotional and logical sides of the mind.
Goleman’s book explains how emotional intelligence can create a harmonious relationship between the rational and the emotional sides of the brain – how to use emotion rather than suppress it, and strategies for recognising and processing emotions when they distort judgment and disrupt logical thinking, often causing us to act or think irrationally.
In The Scout Mindset, Galef explores the mind using the analogy of two roles on a battlefield – a Soldier, and a Scout. The solider treats their thoughts and beliefs as objects to be defended whether or not they are correct – which naturally can lead to poor decisions. A scout on the other hand is able to see things clearly by regularly testing their own assumptions – they see things as they are rather than how they may wish them to be. One of the main ways a soldier mindset takes hold is when thoughts and beliefs are tied to personality. This can be used for personal gain – for instance, someone who sees running as part of who they are (“I’m a runner”) will be more likely to continue to run than someone who has a more general goal of trying to be more active. But it can often be destructive – for example, someone who sees a religion or political party as part of their identity is more likely to defend it beyond what is just, reasonable or right.
I found both books fascinating. The former was very eye-opening and personally challenging, while the latter brought validation to many of the ways I think already.
Around ten years ago I discovered and became fascinated with the Myers-Briggs personality test. For the uninitiated, it’s like astrology for the psychology crowd, and it reduces everyone into sixteen main personality types based off where they sit on the scale of four qualities. How much value can be placed on it is dubious, and it can’t be used as a predictor as some do, but I do find it interesting as a way of getting to know oneself, or those around them – and while it’s very misunderstood and gets misused, and overused, I think it’s deserving of at least a little more weight than a star chart.
According to these tests I’m an “ENTJ”, or “Extraverted Intuitive Thinking Judgement” (the opposite qualities being introverted, observant, feeling and prospecting). The strengths and weaknesses read to me like a football card profile – all true to varying degrees, some more apparent than others (most of them have softened a lot with age and conscious effort). Some of them even read as opposite sides of the same coin – I would argue that stubbornness is simply a negative spin on “strong-willed” – essentially the same quality, but one furthers personal achievement and the other presents a roadblock for others.
Discovering this back in the day was a revelation which helped me understand why my mind worked the way it did – able to see things so clearly and rationally, but only up until the point that emotion was involved, when my brain resembled a computer being thrown into the ocean. All of the personal strengths are washed away. In the past I have sometimes dealt with this by trying to suppress or ignore it in myself, and avoiding others entirely if there’s any fear of causing upset in them. Not that those situations have arisen all that often – I have a clear understanding of what I like and what I don’t, I usually figure people out pretty quickly and say what I think – why waste my or anyone else’s time? That would be inefficient, after all.
But some things are out of your control, such as the immense stress of trying to get home in the midst of a pandemic, or the numbness of almost losing a family member in a car crash. Trying to find control only leads to the impression you’ve failed when you’re unable to affect change.
It’s absolutely easier on the mind to avoid these things entirely, but it’s an emptier and less colourful approach to life. Lessons can be learnt. Both of these books brought insightful perspectives on personal relationships. They also furthered a better understanding of others, and the broader world in general – including acceptance that some people and organisations are just bad and that not every action needs or has an explanation.
But you know, sometimes I’d just rather be that dog in the shade on a hot day, staring into the distance. That’s where the Chinese zodiac places me.
Here’s my monthly dozen…