2022: Light and Dark, at Once

To die for your country does not win a war
To kill for your country is what wins a war

Brooke DiDonato (aka, me on the beach after the work Christmas party)

In my final week of work for the year I was working at home as per usual, when all of a sudden my vision became blurry. It was as though I had accidentally caught a glimpse of the sun, and for a moment had a blind spot – although I hadn’t been outside in hours. I sat down for a moment and closed my eyes, waiting for it to pass. The light was still bright with my eyelids clenched. A kaleidoscope of bright geometric rainbow colours filled my vision. Within a few minutes I could no longer see my monitor. I lay down in the dark for twenty minutes – nothing changed. It took two hours for my vision to return.

I later discovered that this is known as a “migraine aura” – something I had never heard of before. A migraine aura has nothing to do with the eyes, only the brain. Essentially the brain shuts down. It was a little confronting, but in a roundabout way ultimately incredibly relieving. My mind looked after itself.

It was also very emblematic of the year – Light and dark, at once.

There were a lot of ups and downs this year – successes which came with a catch, disappointments which came with a silver lining. I worked way too much this year. I received a promotion which re-energised my enthusiasm for work, but then got caught doing a lot of overtime. Following two years of being locked up inside from a pandemic, to then spend a third locked inside working was especially painful.

But all that work also meant a lot of overtime pay – most of which I have thrown on the mortgage to put me in striking distance of clearing the thing in the next couple years.

The return to office life has come as a great relief for my sanity. I gained a lot of new friends – and some of them have quickly grown to be some of my closest mates.

I managed to find a couple of pockets of good weather within months of La Nina downpours and explored Lord Howe Island and South East Queensland – both of which were incredible.

Definitely returning to Lord Howe Island again some time

The typical refrain seems to that the 2020’s have gotten worse with each year that passes. I’m inclined to disagree. This year was undoubtedly an improvement. The power dynamic between generations has finally shifted from the over-60s to the under-40s and I can’t see that being anything but good for society as that shift becomes even more pronounced in the years to come.

Music

I wanna be the shoelace that you tie

There are no surprises in the yearly playlist if you’ve been following the monthly ones. Jockstrap and Big Thief‘s new releases were my most played albums. And that Black Midi one satisfied my appetite for a bit of crunch.

I did the sloppy Splendour in the Grass, and the drizzly Harvest Rock. Khruangbin easily proved to be the best gig of the year between the two festivals, which came as a huge surprise. I’ve not seen a gig like that in a long time – an hour-long jam session where their own tracks were bridged together with classic guitar riffs like Wicked Game and Spandau Ballet’s True. I’m keen for even more live music in the new year, but I think I’m festival’d out for the time being.

Agnes Obel was the overall top gig. Absolutely incredible to witness live.

Khruangbin

Streams

My regular movie and series reviews on this old thing were another casualty of having more of a life this year (along with more work). My abundance of screen time at work also reduced my desire for spending too much of my free time doing the same thing. I can’t say I really have any “top movies” since I saw so few and even fewer stuck with me. But the world of long form series continues to be where quality lies.

Severance was the most inventive and visually unique series I’ve seen in a while. In many ways it reminded me of the best elements of Lost (mysteries aplenty).

The final season of Better Call Saul hit the mark and then some. Easily the best written show of the past decade in my eyes, it may very well exceed its predecessor Breaking Bad as the better show.

And second season of The White Lotus was some good fun, albeit not as fresh as the first time around.

That’s it for the year. Back at the end of January.

Ear Candy 2022.09 – Strategic Ambiguity

Ain’t no change in the weather
Ain’t no change in me

Two years ago today I arrived back in Australia. In the dark of night, tired and relieved like never before I touched down in Perth on a plane with only 18 other passengers. I’m still supremely grateful to be back. The months which immediately preceded it were immensely stressful, and the months before that were incredibly bleak. Isolation in a hotel room for two weeks came as such a relief. And the weeks which followed, out on the open roads of Western Australia were so good it felt like a dream.

If this were a CG render someone would request that the highlight on the water be removed.

Spring has sprung, but Sydney is still too goddamn cold. I’m well and truly over it. Bring on the oven roasting temperatures so I can leap out of bed full of beans. I want to (metaphorically) leave the isolation hotel room again. Summer days aren’t just longer because of the Earth’s tilt. They’re longer cause you don’t spend four times as long doing everything. Shorts, shirt, thongs – BAM! You’re good to roll.

But while I wait, I’ll get sunshine in my ears with these tunes.

Streams 2021 Sep Oct Nov

Series

  • Succession (Season 3)
    This show just gets better and better. It is now up there with Better Call Saul as the only series to which I salivate as I await new episodes (I’m not the only one). The cast is just phenomenal, as is the writing. And I have no idea where it will go next.
  • Squid Game
    This was terrific. Mind you, the style and themes do all the heavy lifting. Without the distinctive visuals, intense subject matter and class war themes, you might be left thinking more about that dead end plot line with the cop (whose phone battery seems to last days), an organ harvesting storyline which went nowhere, and the overly drawn out nature of the story (that last episode in particular was a drag). Still, a highlight of the year despite these pet peeves.
  • Dexter: New Blood
    The original run of this show had the worst final season and final episode of any show, ever. Somehow, I was still up for more eight years later. Thankfully, it’s a return to form (thus far anyway. At time of writing there’s still four episodes remaining). Worth a look for fans of the series before it turned bad.
  • Ted Lasso
    What a great first season of a show, followed by a clusterfuck of a second to undo all the good vibes of the first. Season one is a great mix of drama, comedy and warmth. Season two was hot garbage. Much like Mythic Quest it doesn’t seem to understand what was appealing about the show in the first place (keep it light for a start), and overestimates my interest in the “world” of the show. I give zero fucks about B-characters. I don’t need to know more about them, or watch them go on LENGTHY side quests to find themselves. I sure as shit don’t need to know about the issues they had or continue to have with their father. It’s a simple light breezy show and the tone was set in season one. Keep it there. Suffice to say I won’t find out if they get back on track for season three because hit the ejection button on this rickety plane before I got to the end.
  • Foundation
    Well this sure was pretty. Some incredible and unique sci-fi visuals. Unfortunately that was about all it had for me. Perhaps my hopes were too high, but this was a chore to get through.
  • Curb Your Enthusiasm (Season 11)
    This season had a few weak moments, but Larry still makes me laugh. Will I continue to watch? Sure. Would I be sad if they stopped making it? Nope. Always Sunny on the other hand keeps me wanting more.
  • You (Season 3)
    Yes I watched this. Yes it is trash. Yes I knew it was trash going in.

Movies

  • Dune
    I’ve been waiting many many years for this one. When I heard Villeneuve was attached to direct, my anticipation only increased – and it did not disappoint. My first visit to the cinema in two years and it was well and truly worthy of the big screen.
  • The Father
    One of the best of the year. Very cleverly structured and perfectly executed. The less you know before hitting play, the better.
  • Free Guy
    Enjoyable enough but wouldn’t recommend. Plot wise, a bit like The Lego Movie meets The Truman Show with Ryan Reynolds doing his usual thing (which while fun, is really getting a little tired). Taika’s character shat me off too. But what really got to me was the godawful ending. The female lead is sold as a highly intelligent girl, yet somehow she is completely oblivious to her male friend overtly crushing on her for years. So, she’s not interested right? Or she became interested because he grew and changed? Nope. He does fuck all, goes to get a coffee and she suddenly notices all the creepy messages he left in the game for her. So when he returns with his coffee she’s *all over him*. What a steaming pile of Hollywood horse shit.
  • Jungle Cruise
    Does what it says on the label. Entertaining fun in the vein of Indiana Jones and The (Brendan Fraser) Mummy.
  • Nitram
    Fantastic performances and overall a very chilling film. My only gripe is that by the end I wasn’t entirely sure of the point of it all. Perhaps that it was all preventable? I guess that sense of unease might be the whole idea.

Docos

  • Woodstock 99
    Where the 90s died. Pretty alarming to watch now but they make the argument that a lot of what grunge and rap seeded in the early 90s mutated into an angry white male beast by the name of nu-metal. Somehow the messages within the lyrics were lost on a lot of people. I guess that same angry crowd is storming the US Capitol these days.
  • Watch The Sound
    This made for an interesting dive into different technologies, effects and concepts of music production within the last 40 years. Especially interesting given I was diving into some of these effects myself during lockdown.
  • Shirkers
    Really quirky and fascinating doco. I went in blind, which is best. You never quite know where it’s headed or what the point is, but come out of it feeling as though you’ve watched something unique.
  • Inside Central Station
    I love this stuff. In another lifetime I could see myself involved in infrastructure somehow. It was pretty eye-opening to see the amount of work that goes on behind the scenes to keep Sydney moving.
  • New York Super Airport
    Similar to above, a doco about infrastructure and engineering, and I lapped it up. It covers the impressive reconstruction of New York’s LaGuardia airport, completed whilst the airport remained functional.
  • Q: Into The Storm
    I’ve stayed out of the loop with the ins and outs of this cesspool. This HBO doco was pretty thorough and engaging. Really makes one reflect on where the balance sits between pros and cons of the internet.

Games

Walking a dystopian version of Vancouver in Backbone
  • Backbone
    I fired this up knowing little about it and found myself on the streets of a dystopian version of Vancouver (albeit not named as such – but the inspiration is clearly there right from the game map to the scenery). Beautiful artwork, engaging story. Good to see a story-driven adventure work so well on a console.
  • Mini Motorways
    Well this just consumed a lot of lockdown time. Addictive, fun, and frustrating. Sim-City meets Oilswell.

Technorrhoea: 2021 May

Total Relighting

Very cool real-world photographic relighting. Read more about it here. The normal map generation in particular is impressive. I can’t wait to play with this tech in years to come.

We Don’t Need Elon Musk

We Don’t Need Elon Musk to Explore the Solar System” declares Leigh Phillips. He makes some good points, first and foremost being the common false dichotomy of suggesting that we don’t have the resources for a space program, environmental protection and social progress. It’s not a zero-sum game. People are not going hungry or working three jobs as a result of the space program. This kind of argument only distracts from the real culprits.

I have mixed feelings on Musk, but I am a massive fan of this new space race, and can’t wait to see what comes next.

Enhancing Photorealism Enhancement

One day this stuff will look quaint. You’ll be able to generate Pulp Fiction in the style of Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse. Or swap out cast members for others. But I’m amazed enough by the strides happening in machine learning today.

A Brief History of Work

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

There are moments in life that turn out to be clear turning points only on reflection. Then there are others that you knew at the time would chart completely different paths for the future. Choosing to drop out of Economics and instead pursue web development and animation was one from the former camp. Moving to Canada was in the latter.

I look set to wrap up on yet another job in the next four weeks in order to head home to Australia. Not only is this a clear turning point, but it’s one I’ve been craving. The last two and a half years have been rewarding for many reasons – sights, people, and let’s be honest, finances – but my personality has suffocated in this culture. Beautiful and easy as it is, it’s difficult to imagine a future in a place where you can’t be yourself. Also, aside from the first year here, I’ve felt as though I’ve had a lot more to offer at work than I had opportunity to contribute. I need to feel success and creative satisfaction in order to feel nourished. It doesn’t have to be at work – but I’ve always found work goals to be easier to achieve than others, so I tend to gravitate toward those.

With three large companies in Sydney now producing animated features, and Weta set to move into that space in the future, it feels ripe for opportunity back home (pandemic notwithstanding). I do approach a return to Sydney with the same hesitation one might have with trying to recreate an awesome party they once had – where the people are different and the memories too fond to compete with the present. But there’s a real momentum there for career development and at this it stage feels like the logical step – and if not my final destination, perhaps a stepping stone back to Wellington.

Looking back can often inform what to chase in the future. I’ve listed below the six most satisfying shows on which I’ve worked. Job satisfaction is always a balance – a lower paying job is fine if you have more time to pursue other goals and hobbies; a horrible product can be handled if you’re surrounded by a great bunch of people; a brutal schedule of overtime can be accepted more easily by engagement in a new role. Sometimes you strike gold and come away a whole bunch of positives. Mostly, the best jobs scratch these itches:

  • Creatively satisfying / unique
  • Intellectually stimulating
  • Being surrounded by a great team
  • Feeling valued and valuable

Rogue

My first job in the industry. I was lucky enough that I went straight into the world of film. I didn’t have to serve any time as a runner, nor in TVC or camera tracking – all common paths into small and mid size companies back in the day. I was modelling, texturing, doing lookdev, animating and lighting on an actual film that was destined for theatres. I was hyped and constantly surprised that I was capable of what was requested.

As if that wasn’t enough, afterwards I was invited to Melbourne to work directly with the director developing a pitch for a follow up feature. It never happened, but I wish it had. The concept was nuts.

Prometheus

My first official lead role, an incredibly exciting science fiction film, visually unique concepts, a great team – and I loved the end product. This one had it all. I’d also just bought an apartment and felt like I was kicking arse with life at a level I hadn’t since I was doing my Masters.

The company went out of business shortly after delivery, which was unfortunate. It pulled the rug out from under my life months out from my 30th birthday. Ultimately it forced me to spread my wings and proved beneficial, but it was a rough ride.

The Lego Movie

This was fun. A team of thirty lit and composited an entire film with very little overtime in six months. It was the most efficient operation I’d been a part of to that point – and nothing satisfies my soul quite like efficiency. There wasn’t a single dead link in the chain. The team was switched on, and every day was full of laughs. I felt at home. Still my favourite place to work to this day.

It looked beautiful, and was a technological feat.

Mad Max: Fury Road

This was the most unassuming job that became one of the most spectacular. At the interview I was told “it’s not that exciting, you probably won’t walk away with any shots for your reel or anything like that”. Obviously I joined just as things went up a notch cause, as everyone knows, this film is spectacular.

I worked with a small team of five. Everyone was a vital link in the chain. George Miller was in our cosy dailies sessions. We made jokes, sang sea shanties, and dodged the junkies on our coffee runs. It wasn’t perfect by any stretch (I remember being happy when it ended), but this was like working with a bunch of mates. There was no micromanagement. There was trust, and the work got done, and I would go home each day sore from laughter.

Alien: Covenant

My second official lead role, and the sequel to the film I was lead on previously. Another small, yet highly skilled and talented team (this seems to be a winning combination for shows I enjoy). If I could choose the kind of job I’m craving next, it would be everything this show offered, but for an animated feature.

I was given enough space to create the pipeline and workflow I desired, and so wasn’t left frustrated by one that didn’t work. I also usurped my way up the chain to plug inefficiencies there, and everyone on the team was an all-star with personality and good humour.

Spiderman: Into The Spider-Verse

This was brutal, but we knew we were making something special. It followed on from one of the easiest and most predictable (and boring) shows I’d ever done. Those have their place, but Spider-Verse was just what I needed to remind me that I still love what I do.

What’s more, I was able to contribute to the look and develop tools to be used by the team, as well as fill in as lead for a short while. I did not expect any of these opportunities to come at such a large company I had only just joined.

From Which I Came / Silver Linings

Long days and dreaming nights
Wide eyes take in all the sights
A little wonder goes a long, long way
Learning where to go and what to say

Isolation has been a good time for reflection – some valuable, some not so great. There’s far too much time to think and it’s challenging for everyone. Personally I’ve been frustrated with being trapped in Canada – effectively on my own now – missing and wanting to be with people back home. But I’ve been focused heavily on how fortunate I am to be able to continue working, earning money, in a safe and clean environment and in good health. Many have lost their entire world and the flow-on effects in the months and years to come will be enormous.

Most people facing hardship right now are in that situation through no fault of their own. I am fortunate mostly due to pure luck – I work in an industry willing and able to shift me home. And even the elements I might attribute somewhat to my personal wisdom or success (having skills to remain employable and savings to cover hard times, for example) have their roots in the luck of the past – where and when I was born, and the example set by my parents and their priorities.

My first win was being born in Australia. I grew up the third of four children to two working parents. I shared a bedroom with my two brothers in a fibro home in Guildford, New South Wales – Sydney suburbia. They were paying 18% interest rates on their mortgage of that home. Dad worked a lot, and I was 16 before I even realised mum was working two jobs. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I had an awareness of how challenging this would have been. We weren’t hard done-by by any stretch, but they certainly weren’t made of money, so a lot of the bells and whistles of travel and going out which I’m afforded these days weren’t available to them. But we were loved, so we always felt lucky. I had the best childhood. Santa still spoiled us at Christmas despite mum warning us at the start of every December he might not have much to give. My parents sent us to private school, not because they had money, but because education was their priority and they felt that particular school was the best choice.

1989 – six years of age, discovering the PC and computer games, which in turn led to an interest in visual effects

But it also meant I went to school with a lot of kids I couldn’t quite relate to, and some I found to be quite awful, so my later teenage years weren’t as much fun. I also developed a healthy distaste for religion. But in those years, I learnt how to entertain myself, inventing projects for myself.

And that time was where my career was born.

I was fortunate that dad worked at The University of Sydney, and that he brought his work home. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-20s that I realised just how big an influence he had. He worked long hours on something he loved. He could have found money elsewhere but he loved teaching at University. He also kept a regular exercise routine in the 80s before it was cool. He has passionate opinions, and making someone laugh is always the noblest goal. I’d like to think I subconsciously picked up some of these things.

There is a high chance I would not be enjoying a career in visual effects had it not been for dad’s job. Two key pieces of technology sparked my interest –

  • a PC he brought home so he could work evenings and weekends; and
  • the internet, thanks to the fact that Universities got into that world earlier than most.

The PC in particular blew my mind. Thanks to dad bringing his work home, I was able to discover PC games before most of society even knew what they were. I loved Sierra adventure games. So much so that I had dreams of one day working there. Unfortunately the company fell apart by the time I was 15 so that dream evaporated with it. It’s quite fascinating that something I was so obsessed with (games) became mostly a bore to me beyond the age of about 17.

I still listen to this frequently

We got the internet around 1993, age 10. Shortly afterward, I was reaching out to find other fans across the world. I made a fan website to catalogue absolutely everything I loved about Space Quest – learning to code JavaScript and HTML by picking apart other websites and reverse engineering them. Then, when I wanted my website to look better than the rest of them, I learnt PhotoShop and Paint Shop Pro. And once I had catalogued everything there was to know about Space Quest, I set out to make my own content.

By the time I was seventeen most school days were spent looking forward to the end of the day so I could go home and work on and learn 3D – modeling, animation, lighting – the whole thing. That way I could set about remaking the old Space Quest games from the 80s with new 3D graphics. It kept my mind busy more than school. I did very well in school but always saw a lot of it as “a thing I had to do” much like brushing my teeth. Computer graphics, PhotoShop and website design and coding excited me.

I still can’t believe I get paid to do this, even at times when it’s not so glamourous. There are valid complaints to be made in some circumstances but I find that most in my field who complain just come across as precious and entitled – just like some of those kids I went to school with. I have no time for that. They don’t know how lucky they are. This is not a “real” job.

My first job was working at a pharmacy delivering medicine to little old ladies. Then I worked checkout at Coles for about 5 years while building my own website business. It wasn’t until I got my first VFX job at 23 while doing a post-grad animation course with other like-minded friends that I felt at home and those later teenage years found meaning.

A shitty situation one year can lead to incredible things down the road.

I trust that this pandemic solitary time will find meaning.

We just don’t know what that is yet.

AlphaGo & Deep Learning

Back in the 90s I was fascinated by IBM’s Deep Blue project – which aimed to create a computer program worthy of defeating the world’s greatest Chess champions – Garry Kasparov’s loss in particular was a huge moment in what was seen then as artificial intelligence, but with today’s perspective just some brute-force programming.

AlphaGo (now acquired by Google) is today’s equivalent, with two key differences. This time the game is Go – a 2500 year old Chinese game with far more complexity than chess. Secondly, AlphaGo was designed with deep learning and improves with repeated plays.

The doco makes for great viewing (especially being stuck inside right now) and it’s free to watch on YouTube! It’s fascinating to watch Lee Sedol battle with the emotions of playing against a machine and everyone LOSE THEIR MINDS with move 37.

We’re not just teaching computers any more – they’re teaching us. And what’s more – it’s coming for my vfx industry with Netflix’s Archer being one such example (no, not that one). I’m not one to proclaim changes like this to be doom and gloom for the artist. In my experience, clever tools only free up artists from mundane activities and leave them to focus on the art. I always say “if something can be automated, it should be”, and advances in tech and tools have only led to a greater volume of work. That said, it will be an interesting shift.